Bridging the Gap
This entry is a personal one that is close to my heart. I have no problem in sharing because it's mainly about personal self growth and forgiveness, so I hope it inspires who it may.
I have a sister that's about 6 years younger than me. Our whole life, I've been the typical older sister. I've had my share of torturing her, always being the boss whenever we would play, swearing her to death if she ever told on me, etc. But we've always loved each other. As we grew older, I was annoyed with always having to babysit, and being that I was a teenager, I had my own agenda which clearly didn't involve me having to take my tagalong baby sister, but I still loved her deep down inside. And even as we grew into adults, I still felt a deep need to protect her from making bad choices that I had already made. I tried my hardest to shake some sense into her, but never took into consideration that she was her own person, and needed to learn her own lessons just like I did.
As we started to go down our own completely different paths in life, we slowly grew apart. I felt like our lives really had nothing in common. She went her way, and I went mine. And the more I felt she refused my advice on things, the more I no longer wanted to be bothered. This grew to be even more true the Christmas of 2012. We had a HUGE altercation, and I became completely unhinged. That was the last time I had seen her.
During that time, I followed her ups and downs through our mom, which was definitely bittersweet because I wanted to reach out to her, but didn't know how to do this without completely ripping her apart, so I stayed away. I used this time to seek help for myself, how to manage my anger, and how to love without smothering.
Well, I recently took a trip to Arizona to see her. I was very nervous about seeing her considering the result of the last time. But as I approached her, I remembered that love that I had for her when we were kids. That feeling of pride and admiration for her. Even though we spent the weekend recapping the past few years, I was able to apologize for my part, and to also accept hers. Even though it was a horrible situation that occurred, we both found greatness at the end of it. We both grew into better people, and realized that in order to do this, we had to spend some time apart.
Sometimes you have to take a few steps back in order to find clarity during life's struggles. They're not always resolved right then and there. And sometimes a quick "I'm sorry" just won't do the trick. Overcoming issues can mean that we have to completely re-evaluate in inner self and clean out those cobwebs in the deepest darkest corners of our lives.
"Love is the absence of judgement." --Dalai Lama